Hi friends, and welcome to another unrelated post that is not about one particular topic, but a couple of random thoughts that I felt like sharing with you today.
I hope you enjoy this type of post and that you can relate to at least some of my ramblings. If not, feel free to skip this one. As I mentioned in my first couple of posts, this blog will have some random articles from time to time, and this is one of them.
I will try to keep it short and try to stay focused on one issue at a time, but the topics might get tangled up a bit since they are similar today. Although I’ll do my best and try to get into as much depth as possible, I will not eternalize each topic. Then it will become too redundant, and everyone will lose interest really fast.
And for full disclosure’s sake, the inspiration for most of my ramblings comes from stuff I hear on the podcasts I listen to, or stuff I’m reading about. But my opinions on the topics come strictly from my own reflections and analysis. As some of you may know already, my area of study was sociology. Even though I never actually practiced it, the stuff I learned in school stayed with me. When you’re doing a program such as sociology, you learn to look at things from a broad perspective, hence my appreciation for a wide range of topics. And I love to analyze subjects from all different angles as well, so this may be evident to you as you read on.
Without further ado, let’s get to the first topic.
1. People are not all good or bad
photo credit: Renato from Pexels
In general, people are born good. Even as adults, we sometimes make bad decisions or act stupid from time to time. But most of us are decent human beings most of the time, anyway. You can be a very good person at your core, but do bad things from time to time for various reasons.
Let me give you a concrete example. Let’s say that there’s a person in your workplace that can be considered toxic, like in my previous article I wrote.
This person always creates problems when things are calm and everyone gets along. Some people cannot function well unless there’s chaos and disorder, so that could be their motivation. They would create a problem for example, in order to then come in and solve the issue they created in the first place. Most of the time, they do it for the sole reason of getting praise. Often, the issue is ego motivated.
Now, most people are not looking for conflicts and try to get along with their co-workers. But this one person is so difficult and temperamental that everyone around them avoids them. When that is not possible, they just agree with everything they say in order to avoid a confrontation. That doesn’t make them bad per se, they are just protecting themselves. They will try to do everything to make sure they’re not on the toxic person’s radar. They know that if they become the target of that person’s wrath, their life will become unbearable. So they’d rather be complacent, although deep down they are against whatever is going on. But they react a certain way in order to avoid being the subject of that toxic person.
Under normal circumstances, and in a sane work environment, reasonable people would never act that way. But like the saying goes: ‘better them than me’.
photo credit: Connor Gardenhire from Pexels
What about people that commit crimes, one might wonder. The only thing I can say on the subject is basically that no human being is born evil. The way they are raised, and their circumstances might drive them to become “bad”, but they probably don’t know any other way to survive.
I won’t go into a whole sociological analysis – although I’d love to – but I just want to mention one point quickly before moving on to the next subject.
In Scandinavian countries, and you can research the information if interested, their recidivism rate is one of the lowest in the world.
Why is that? Because they help prisoners with rehabilitation programs, so once they re-enter society they are equipped to deal with everyday stressors. They are treated with humanity and compassion, they’re not simply punished for the crime committed. Sure, they have to pay for their mistake, but not by being put away and throwing away the key.
Hence, they are given a second chance at becoming productive members of society. Which is proven time and time again that it works. So why doesn’t every country abide by those same methods? Hard to say, but there are probably many factors that influence the way a country deals with its justice system, but they should all take an example from Scandinavia.
2. Relationships are complicated and never static.
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This topic requires a bit more introspection, I would say. And let me clarify, I refer to romantic relationships here.
Most people, when they are in a committed relationship, go through many ups and downs. The relationship goes through phases and is continuously changing, as the two individuals change.
Now, how come some relationships survive, while others don’t?
That in itself is a whole other topic, but the simple answer to that is that it takes a lot of work and open communication. The two people involved need to respect the others’ need for individuality and take them exactly as they come. When one or both people try to control or change the other, that’s when the problems start. But if you don’t expect your partner to feel and think exactly as you do, everyone will be a lot happier, and your relationship has a better chance of surviving.
We should all go into relationships as whole individuals that are happy to be on our own. The problem with most people is that they think being in a relationship will fulfill them. They romanticize the idea that their partner is supposed to complement them, and are somehow responsible for their own happiness. Remember that famous quote from the movie Jerry Maquire: You complete me? Yeah, in real life that’s a load of b.s. (excuse my language)!
For sure, when you enter a new relationship, the new partner brings you joy to a different level. But once the honeymoon phase is over, you need to start fulfilling your own needs. Happiness must come from within in order for any relationship to work. If you are generally a very insecure person who’s always looking for outward validation, chances are your relationships will never be satisfying. And here it actually applies to all kinds of relationships: friends, co-workers, even family members, but particularly romantic partners.
Self-love is primordial for any mature, adult relationship to survive. Being dependent emotionally on others to fulfill a void that’s within you is a recipe for disaster. Once you work on yourself and your self-worth, only then can you expect your partner to fully engage with you.
So, yeah, we all change and grow as we age, but when you’re in a relationship, it’s even harder to grow in the same direction. Some succeed and manage to stay on the same wavelength. The relationships that don’t survive are mostly those who were not acting like themselves, to begin with.
Sometimes, after years of pretending you’re someone else in order to please your partner, it takes a toll on you. That is why you see some couples that always seemed in tune with each other split up after 20 years, sometimes even longer. They went into the relationship hoping the other would complement them, without really getting to know what they are all about.
Honestly, I think they should teach self-love in school, so everyone will learn that they are the main character in their life. Everyone else comes second. Loving yourself is not about being selfish, it’s about having self-esteem and creating boundaries.
I leave you with those thoughts today, and I really hope you enjoyed today’s topics. If you like these types of discussions, I will be more than happy to write more on the subject. I didn’t want to go into much more detail than that because I am not a trained professional, but I find them really interesting. What about you?